Easter Monday

Today is Easter holiday in France. Not that it makes any difference to me, I am stuck in front of my PC churning more ideas to complete my thesis. My I spent so much time on this I'm starting to feel numb. Although, I have to say that I am not too stressed. I spent a lot of time on it yes, but time is what I have now. Not that I think it is an absolutely awesome paper that may get me an A...huh impossible. I just hope to pass..nothing more or less...I sincerely feel that my level of writing and my dissertation paper does not merit an A grade. Don't care actually, I just want to get it over and done and stirike Masters off my to do list.

I can imagine how this would be if I have to do it whilst working at the same time. The level of stress would be beyond comprehension.

After the dissertation is completed, i will divide my time solely to learning French and finishing up my contract at the ABU. Much that I would love to be working with them part time as it is darn hard to get a job in France now, half of me just want the relationship with the ABU to be over. Feels like it's time to experience something new, do other things. After all it's been six years I have been with them. None of my friends were in the same post/company for that long. Think even Alice was not in UITM that long... AFter all 'change is the law of life' (JFK Kennedy).

I am starting to adapt with France. No English programmes on TV does not seem to bother me as much. Not many friends to hang out with, does not bother me either cos I know i'll meet more people once i start my French class this summer. I am also over eating Asian food, does not seem to bother me that I have not eaten rice since I got back from KL two weeks ago. Looks like everything is about adaptation. Once you've adapt to your surrounding, tout c'est normal.....

Babies

I have been asked several times by my new-found friends here in Montauban, when am I planning to have kids. And after hearing my reply, they would then ask me about my age and after hearing that reply, the common response that I would get is.. "Well, you should hurry up..the clock is ticking". I often would laugh after hearing that comment, but after hearing the same response for more than 10 times, it started to get into me.

I would love to have babies, yes but it is my CHOICE not to think about it now. Nobody should judge me should I do not want to have babies now. I am not ready FULL STOP I have no judgement to those women with babies, I think it's great if they are ready to experience motherhood. But I am not having babies, just so I could join the motherhood club and talk about milk bottles and diapers. When I am ready, I will.

I hate people who love to judge others -- what they should do, what they should not. I think these people should just look into their life, reflect and find something that they could do about themselves and not think or judge others, because you will never know what is the best for other people because you are not THEM.

My second love at the first sight .. first being my husband .. ;-)

I fell in love with Positano after watching Under The Tuscan Sun.

Positano is a relatively poor fishing village during the first 20th century but was rediscovered in 1950s after an article on the town was published in Harpers Bazaar by John Steinbeck,

As Steinbeck described "It is a dream place that isn’t quite real when you are there and becomes beckoningly real after you have gone." I was captivated with the charming little town on the cliffs of the hill overlooking the Mediterranean Sea.

The place reminds me very much of Mykonos, an island where I hope me and my friend will revisit in the near future.

Well hopefully we'll get to go to Positano this summer and I can strike that off from my "to do list" .. ;-)

All very exciting

I just sent in the final budget and proposal for the 2010 project that I'm hoping to work on come summer. With contingencies allocation being added on the total project cost -- the budget has skyrocketed to USD400k! Although the overall cost is huge, I'd worked out a plan to divide the funding demands into smaller chunks and pieces making it do-able considering the lead time that I have.


Drafting the budget also means that I have to factor in my manhours (womanhours) for the project. It's kinda strange to be putting price tag on yourself and I spent the whole evening yesterday thinking the best diplomatic approach to this matter. So after some hours weighing the numbers, I have decided to give the rate that I hope to receive should I get a job here in France (plus additional 50%factoring retirement package and taxes). Well, the job is full time only from Jan-July 2010, so the retirement package is not that necessary, but well since I'm drafting it, I might as well include whatever works for me.. ;-)


My boss essentially approve the budget with no questions whatsoever. Pretty neat huh! I am so excited and motivated to get the ball rolling and not let the momentum slide. It's so easy for my motivation and momentum to slide, when working from home as I've got nobody watching my back and Facebook, Blogspot, Movies Online and Online Shopping luring me away from 'real' responsibilities!

1st wedding anniversary

When my husband came back from work yesterday evening with his twin brother (his twin sleeps over at our place once a week), he repeatedly asked me if I remember anything important. I was mentally going trough each compartment of my brain, checking if I have indeed missed anything important or if he was pulling another one of his stupid jokes on me in an attempt to run away from washing dishes. Judging from the serious look on his face, I doubt that it's the latter. I looked at his twin brother for any clues, he sighed with disappointment and repeatedly shaked his head. Now what have I done, did they know that I spent 40 min on net a porter, oogling the designer shoes on the pretext of working!

Disappointed that I totally have no clue on what he was talking about, he asked me the 1 million dollar question -- "Baby, what happen one year ago on this date?" Then, the memory came flashing in my brain, like blood gushing out of the body after being repeatedly stabbed -- With horror I said "Oh, it's our birthday anniversary baby, I momentarily forgot". For a moment, he was aghast that the date slipped off my mind but after showering him with many, many kisses he quickly proclaimed that he's happy for I am the one to forget the date and not him and mentioned that if the case was otherwise, the mistake would have been remembered, remarked, rementioned and retold on every valentines, anniversaries and birthdays in the next year to come -- and not only on our anniversaries, valentines and birthdays but perhaps it will be mention everytime anybody even breathe in those three occasions. What he said, was indeed funny.

Truthfully, in my bewildered state of juggling work, thesis, unproductive Internet surfing activity and failure in getting tickets to Barcelona -- the anniversary date totally slipped off my mind.

I blew it off this time around. I secretly think that he is happy for I had forgotten the anniversary date as he will be off the hook in remembering it for the years to come. I will have to come out with a reverse plan to fix the situation.

I remembered that his family was not there when we got married at the mosque. Tonight I will say to him that I want our wedding anniversary to be the date signficant for the both of us - translation - I would like it to be the day where we share the moment with our families, close friends, etc. Ergo, our actual wedding anniversary is in March on a date that I could not remember but will find out before the evening ends. Hopefully, this reverse plan will work.

A different start to the day

Today, for the first time in a very long time I had to leave the house at 8:30 to collect my long-stay visa letter. The minute I stood outside my apartment building, bracing the chilly winter air, I apologised to god for how I was complaining about how shitty my life is. I am truly sorry for being an ungrateful bitch. It suddenly hit me how great my life is as I do not have to wake up early in the morning and brace the chilly, crisp winter air as a start to my day. These days, I wake up, brew a cup of coffee and turn on my computer. My work station is right next to the window where I could enjoy the beautiful sunny winter, with a mug of good hot coffee, brewed exactly as I love it -- all in the comfort of my warm apartment. Life could not be any greater than this.

A busy week

Truthfully, this week has been really busy for this lonely Montauban gal ;-)

I start my day waking up the minute my husband goes to work, which is around 7.30-8.00 am - a validation that I am busy girl and I need to start my day early.. ;-) Well that's half-truth....the actual fact is, I am busy as I am supposed to work full time this month for a workshop that I am organising in Jakarta, in March. Yes, yes!! Im coming back to KL after the Jakarta workshop and will spend two weeks there....I can't wait. Although, I am busy -- working from home is extremely difficult. It needs a lot of self control, which I don't really have. One minute I was working, the other minute I was on Facebook/Skype/You Tube. The next minute making coffee, browsing the net, shopping online -- grr it seems impossible to spend one hour working effectively.

I have huge task in getting USD150,000-200,000 funding for a conference in Vienna next year, the only reason why they are hiring me till June ... which, up till now I have absolutely no clue on how will I successfully convince the paralysed world economy and major donor agencies to spend money on CSR issue. They already have huge debts to foot, who am I kidding thinking that they actually give a damn if somebody die of AIDS tomorrow.

This contract is absolutely important for me, as I know for sure if this contract does not come along, I can kiss goodbye to working in the line that I am in and I should start realigning my career path to entering the corporate world. Not by choice but there's no job remotely close to what I am doing now, where I am now (sigh).

Well I won't quit before I try, I will try as hard as I could and brace myself for all the difficulties. And if I can't swing it, at least I have given the best that I could.

I should chant this to myself over and over again and get OFF Facebook, and other temptations alike starting now...