I love this poem. Watched the movie and was so inspired by Mandela ..
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
2010 lineups
November/early Decembre were madness ... I'd just gone through 3 exams the last two weeks .. worked hard for it and all paid off. The exams weren't difficult, the best thing is, I can now speak, understand everything that was said to me, and read novel/newspaper in French. Although not 100 percent but I am confident by April I will be able to understand 95%.
Somehow life seems so much better now ... :D French class will finish this Friday and I got a week to do ABU things before Noel and going to Swiss at the end of the year.
January/Feb will work fully for ABU whilst revising my French. Go to all recruitement agency and language institute to drop of my CV.
March/April (Level 7-8 French)
April (Level 9 Test)
And the rest of the year, if not (C1 & C2 at University du Mirail or work)
So 2010, what will be the things that I look forward to...
1. Fluent French
2. Job
3. Saving up for our house
4. KL for Raya
5. One vacation (Corsica/Oslo)
6. Mini (if I got a good job)
Somehow life seems so much better now ... :D French class will finish this Friday and I got a week to do ABU things before Noel and going to Swiss at the end of the year.
January/Feb will work fully for ABU whilst revising my French. Go to all recruitement agency and language institute to drop of my CV.
March/April (Level 7-8 French)
April (Level 9 Test)
And the rest of the year, if not (C1 & C2 at University du Mirail or work)
So 2010, what will be the things that I look forward to...
1. Fluent French
2. Job
3. Saving up for our house
4. KL for Raya
5. One vacation (Corsica/Oslo)
6. Mini (if I got a good job)
Sunday, November 1, 2009
My first 'literary text' in French (far from it actually)
My homework this weekend: write a description about a person in a literary way. To me, it sounded as write a description about a person (minus the literary part, don't want to sound so ambitious).
As you know that at this point my life is centred solely around my husband .. no kids yet that's why, so he has become my muse. So this is what I wrote ...
Au premier coup d'oeil on aurait dit qu'il avait vingt-cinq ans, vingt-huit ans. Il n'avait pas de tout de rides, sauf les lignes fines au bord de ses yeux, seulement visible quand il sourit. Ses yeux etaient gris et clairs, petillants et magnifiques. Ils changaient en blue au soleil. Ces yeux la etaient expressifs, comme des enfants, malicieux et plein de joie meme lorsque it etait triste.
Il avait les cheveux blonde et bien coiffes, les sourcils longs et epais, le nez avec du caractere et le visage carre. Son sourire sensuel et aimable.
Le corps etait plutot pas mal, muscles et os tres allonges, minces et pas de graisse.
Il n'etait pas parfait bien sur, toutefois, il etait un homme parfait pour moi.
I tried translating it in english with the software, the tenses are all over and the preposition are wrong because i dont have the accents on the keyboard to write proper french, but you can get the essence .. ;-)
As you know that at this point my life is centred solely around my husband .. no kids yet that's why, so he has become my muse. So this is what I wrote ...
Au premier coup d'oeil on aurait dit qu'il avait vingt-cinq ans, vingt-huit ans. Il n'avait pas de tout de rides, sauf les lignes fines au bord de ses yeux, seulement visible quand il sourit. Ses yeux etaient gris et clairs, petillants et magnifiques. Ils changaient en blue au soleil. Ces yeux la etaient expressifs, comme des enfants, malicieux et plein de joie meme lorsque it etait triste.
Il avait les cheveux blonde et bien coiffes, les sourcils longs et epais, le nez avec du caractere et le visage carre. Son sourire sensuel et aimable.
Le corps etait plutot pas mal, muscles et os tres allonges, minces et pas de graisse.
Il n'etait pas parfait bien sur, toutefois, il etait un homme parfait pour moi.
I tried translating it in english with the software, the tenses are all over and the preposition are wrong because i dont have the accents on the keyboard to write proper french, but you can get the essence .. ;-)
Saturday, October 31, 2009
J'ai la mémoire qui flanche
J'adore cette chanson ... ;-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l0ytUxNh2s
The melody makes me think of summer, sitting in the garden, sipping rose.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l0ytUxNh2s
The melody makes me think of summer, sitting in the garden, sipping rose.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Truth to be told
Yes I know I have been complaining about how difficult it is to find a job in France, how sad I am the fact that I am unemployed, how frustrated I am, la da da .. i just realised that up to today, I had sent only two resumes .. shocking isn't it !!
Truth to be told,I have absolute no right to complain about thow hard it is to find a job .. i wasn't sure what was i on about these past few months. Okay, okay, I'll be frank -- when I hear stories about how hard it is to search for jobs, how my friends have been dissapointed many2 times, I had been putting myself in their position, feeling what they are feeling:- their misery, frustration, dissapointment. I have been moaning and complaining with them, talking as if I had gone through the same ordeal myself. I blame it all in my philosophy of learning from other peoples' experience. I believe in the power of listening and observing. Taking note of the mistakes and success of other people and adapting it to my own situation. That said, perhaps this is why I had put myself in my friends shoes -- being miserable with them. How twisted is that??
Truth to be told, I am happy learning French. Every morning I get up at 7, get ready to catch the morning train at 8.00 to town. Got there at 8.30 and start walking to school. I love my morning walk -- the smell of crisp fresh air mixed with the aroma of coffee and fresh croissant -- an essential in all frech bakery. I love passing by the garden, the carousel against the green grass and trees -- all calms me down. I love stopping by my favourite bakery and getting the 50 centimes beignet (doughnut) covered with icing sugar. I love eating my beignet whist passing by the flea market, on the way to my class. Truth to be told, I love my life at this moment. I love the city, the weather, the food.
I love it more if I can have my friends here to share the moments with me.
P.S: I promise that I will take the pictures of the garden, my fav bakery and the flea market next week -- snapshots of my daily life.
Truth to be told,I have absolute no right to complain about thow hard it is to find a job .. i wasn't sure what was i on about these past few months. Okay, okay, I'll be frank -- when I hear stories about how hard it is to search for jobs, how my friends have been dissapointed many2 times, I had been putting myself in their position, feeling what they are feeling:- their misery, frustration, dissapointment. I have been moaning and complaining with them, talking as if I had gone through the same ordeal myself. I blame it all in my philosophy of learning from other peoples' experience. I believe in the power of listening and observing. Taking note of the mistakes and success of other people and adapting it to my own situation. That said, perhaps this is why I had put myself in my friends shoes -- being miserable with them. How twisted is that??
Truth to be told, I am happy learning French. Every morning I get up at 7, get ready to catch the morning train at 8.00 to town. Got there at 8.30 and start walking to school. I love my morning walk -- the smell of crisp fresh air mixed with the aroma of coffee and fresh croissant -- an essential in all frech bakery. I love passing by the garden, the carousel against the green grass and trees -- all calms me down. I love stopping by my favourite bakery and getting the 50 centimes beignet (doughnut) covered with icing sugar. I love eating my beignet whist passing by the flea market, on the way to my class. Truth to be told, I love my life at this moment. I love the city, the weather, the food.
I love it more if I can have my friends here to share the moments with me.
P.S: I promise that I will take the pictures of the garden, my fav bakery and the flea market next week -- snapshots of my daily life.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
French course
I started new French school last week. It was a bit weird being in a roomful of peole aged between 18-26. There are only three students who are older than 26 years old including me. Good thing is they dont know how old I am. Europeans will never get your age correct, rest assured. You will always be 5 to 10 years younger than your age. Well of course it's flattering but in my 'I hate my life here in France' phase find that thought to be insulting. Why did they think that I am that immature and not worth to be taken seriously??
I was nervous as the outline of what the course will cover was laid out in front of me. It stated that I am supposed to know all the tenses that is in the french grammar bible and this level will be more in the practical use of those grammar. Are they joking...geez I have only covered past and present tense. There are still 6 different tenses to cover. How on earth am I going to cope with it. Thus, I spend hours and hours after class last week studying French tenses. Blimey I had to struggle with English tenses and even until now I dont get it 100 percent right. And now attempting French grammar. Feel like somebody should aim a gun on my head and pull the trigger! Well after one week slogging with French grammar, I came to school on Monday feeling slightly relieved but still walking on eggshell. True enough.. wa..la.. present tense revision was what the teacher had planned for us. So I glided through the exercises with ease and found out that half of the class did not even get it rightly, so all that worry last week, was pointless!! Shit.
With that new revelation I spent the last three days reading novel and watching movies. It's like payback to all my worries. Although I felt guilty spending my time on mindless activity as such, I reassured myself by saying -- I deserve this. However, my conscious returned and reminded me that I should be studying French, because without it, it may be almost impossible to jumpstart my career in this godforsaken country. So here I am again back to square one, waiting to be inspired.
I was nervous as the outline of what the course will cover was laid out in front of me. It stated that I am supposed to know all the tenses that is in the french grammar bible and this level will be more in the practical use of those grammar. Are they joking...geez I have only covered past and present tense. There are still 6 different tenses to cover. How on earth am I going to cope with it. Thus, I spend hours and hours after class last week studying French tenses. Blimey I had to struggle with English tenses and even until now I dont get it 100 percent right. And now attempting French grammar. Feel like somebody should aim a gun on my head and pull the trigger! Well after one week slogging with French grammar, I came to school on Monday feeling slightly relieved but still walking on eggshell. True enough.. wa..la.. present tense revision was what the teacher had planned for us. So I glided through the exercises with ease and found out that half of the class did not even get it rightly, so all that worry last week, was pointless!! Shit.
With that new revelation I spent the last three days reading novel and watching movies. It's like payback to all my worries. Although I felt guilty spending my time on mindless activity as such, I reassured myself by saying -- I deserve this. However, my conscious returned and reminded me that I should be studying French, because without it, it may be almost impossible to jumpstart my career in this godforsaken country. So here I am again back to square one, waiting to be inspired.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Une petite composition
Je prend Francaise meiux maintenant. Avant, mon vie ici c'est tres difficile. Je parle pas le langue, je pas compris le culture, je pense le monde et francaise ce fou. Autrefois, je deteste mon vie et francaise. Je manque mon amies et mon famille beaucoup. Mais, mon mari c'est tres important pour moi mais, mon heureusse c'est trop important, aussi.
Maintenant, mon vie ici c'est meiux. Je faire beaucoup le choxses tout le jour. Je faire un regime et je vien l'ecole le apres midi. Je prend le Francaise. Je ne pense pas mon profession, mon amis et mon famille. C'est bien. J'espere parle bien Francaise. Apres, je cherche pour un career avec beaucoup d'argent. Je accheter une Mini pour moi et une grande maison pour mon mari et moi.
Maintenant, mon vie ici c'est meiux. Je faire beaucoup le choxses tout le jour. Je faire un regime et je vien l'ecole le apres midi. Je prend le Francaise. Je ne pense pas mon profession, mon amis et mon famille. C'est bien. J'espere parle bien Francaise. Apres, je cherche pour un career avec beaucoup d'argent. Je accheter une Mini pour moi et une grande maison pour mon mari et moi.
Monday, May 25, 2009
How would i know
In my course of life
how would i know
if the decision i made
was indeed the best that i could have chosen
or have i chosen it
completely out of gut feelings
In my course of life
how would i know
whether the people that i met
indeed whom i thought they were
or were they strangers
how would i know
whether the people that i met
indeed whom i thought they were
or were they strangers
using and abusing my honesty towards them
In my course of life
how would i know
when to stop wondering
when to stop lamenting
and when to start living
For life is
an absolute adventure
uncertainty makes it
a fascination
for when it stops fascinating us
we stop living
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Visa de Retour
I am going to London tomorrow to meet Ayu and Nadrah and we're going to spend two weeks together travelling England, Barcelona and Paris. I have planned for my two weeks vacation with Ayu and Nadhrah--since Ayu and I made our mind about moving to Europe two years ago. This is the much-awaited vacation of my 30s. It's like reminiscing my early 20s Western Europe travel with Ayu, only this time around -- we're doing it with our own schedule. Nothing like the Contiki tour where we had to wake up at the most absurd hours of the day to get on the bus to take us to the next destinatin. Come to think of it, we may have spend 30% of our travel days in Europe, on the bus!
Anyways, I had an appointment with ANAEM yesterday for standard medical check-up an interview (where they will test my French acquisition and give me 200-400 hours free French classes). And after a 30min interview I was given 300 hours of free French lesson (20 hours a week). I have been warned that I am not allowed to change school -- for whatever reason. I have to sit for the 300 hour class at the school that has been assigned for me. And if the 300 hours in incomplete I will be considered as 'non-integrated' and may not be granted visa, when my current visa expired. The first class will start on 18th of May. Well I'll let you know if I like it or not. Did I mention that there's a test that i have to take by the end of the class...
And whilst sitting for the interview and medical check up, I realised that my recippisse (document that I have to carry with me as an ID while waiting for my long term visa to be ready) has expired. I was told by the lady that works at ANAEM that I am not allowed to travel out of France before receiving my long term visa. I think my heart stopped beating for several seconds after she finished her sentence. Apprently I have to get French government's 'permission' should I want to go out of France otherwise I may not gain entry back to the country. What crock of shit right. I don't even understand why they have such supid regulation. C'est bizzare!!
Well I spent the whole day today to process the visa and thank god it was being granted. Otherwise I will have more reason to hate this country.
Anyways, I had an appointment with ANAEM yesterday for standard medical check-up an interview (where they will test my French acquisition and give me 200-400 hours free French classes). And after a 30min interview I was given 300 hours of free French lesson (20 hours a week). I have been warned that I am not allowed to change school -- for whatever reason. I have to sit for the 300 hour class at the school that has been assigned for me. And if the 300 hours in incomplete I will be considered as 'non-integrated' and may not be granted visa, when my current visa expired. The first class will start on 18th of May. Well I'll let you know if I like it or not. Did I mention that there's a test that i have to take by the end of the class...
And whilst sitting for the interview and medical check up, I realised that my recippisse (document that I have to carry with me as an ID while waiting for my long term visa to be ready) has expired. I was told by the lady that works at ANAEM that I am not allowed to travel out of France before receiving my long term visa. I think my heart stopped beating for several seconds after she finished her sentence. Apprently I have to get French government's 'permission' should I want to go out of France otherwise I may not gain entry back to the country. What crock of shit right. I don't even understand why they have such supid regulation. C'est bizzare!!
Well I spent the whole day today to process the visa and thank god it was being granted. Otherwise I will have more reason to hate this country.
Hate it..hate it..hate it
Ughhh..I am so jealous of my colleague that is now working in sports department, although I have to admit doing stupid admin jobs, she will get to travel to all the huge world sports events all around the world, which include the Olympics, the World Cup, the Commonwealth Games and many more. How can you fucking beat that!!! Grrrr I hateeeeeeeeee my life hereeeeeeeeeee.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Bucket List
Just to keep me motivated. I made up my own set of 'bucket list'... basicly they are things that I hope to do before age catches up on me. Looks like #8 may be within my grasp this year...hopefully #5 or #9 as well. But not counting on it that much. Perhaps next year.
- Work in France
- Work in UN/Multilaterals
- Convertible/Mini
- South America
- Egypt
- Tandem Jump
- Watch Russian Ballet/Italian Opera/Viennese Symphony
- Speak French
- Positano
More dilemma
I didn't do anything productive today. I was supposed to get several emails out, but my fear is if I get them out now, I would have no time to follow them up. At least not until the third week of May. So I reckon that it may be best that I send the email after I get back and follow them up closely after that. Now is not the best time to make contacts, everything will have to wait till I get back from my vacation.
I checked out jobs on Monsters France. Everything is in French. I am totally lost now. Even if there is a job that requires bilingual candidate, I don't really know what kind of job will I be able to do in the future. Customer service? communication? publication? I have no idea. What I have done in the ABU was to specific, I do not think that there is any other vocation as that in Toulouse. Shall I jump on event management/project management? That was basiclly what I was doing..well I honestly do not know. Sometimes, I feel that I would just do whatever job that I could get as long as the pay is good. I feel that it is impossible for me to look at career path now, what I need is just to have a career here. Be it in whatever industry, doing whatever that I could, because I do not think that what I want to do is offered in Toulouse. Perhaps I could look at international NGOs that are based in Toulouse. Most likely they are none. No harm finding out on that.
I checked out jobs on Monsters France. Everything is in French. I am totally lost now. Even if there is a job that requires bilingual candidate, I don't really know what kind of job will I be able to do in the future. Customer service? communication? publication? I have no idea. What I have done in the ABU was to specific, I do not think that there is any other vocation as that in Toulouse. Shall I jump on event management/project management? That was basiclly what I was doing..well I honestly do not know. Sometimes, I feel that I would just do whatever job that I could get as long as the pay is good. I feel that it is impossible for me to look at career path now, what I need is just to have a career here. Be it in whatever industry, doing whatever that I could, because I do not think that what I want to do is offered in Toulouse. Perhaps I could look at international NGOs that are based in Toulouse. Most likely they are none. No harm finding out on that.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Work
I spoke to Fran this morning about the project that I am working on. I not totally positive that I will get funds by June and me travelling in the first two weeks of May is not helping either. I was busy the whole day trying to get the email out to corporations. Will be following up with phone calls whole of this week till I leave on 30th. Grr ..timing is just so screwed up.
It was virtually impossible for me to work on the project earlier as I was snowed in getting my dissertation out. I know that jobs are hard to find now, but I spent so much money on my Masters that I could not bare to see that goes down the drain. After all, the Masters Degree is my lifetime investment. This project, if it runs full swing is only till the end of next year. Although, I do feel guilty that things are very late in coming in together. I hope somehing good will turn out by end May. I am keeping my fingers crossed!! I will work on it very very hard!!
And Craig contacted me out of the blue asking for me to work with him for a week in getting 150 applications to a TV festival. Insane!! Nobody could pull in 150 applications in a week. It's impossible!! The tech dept pulled out 150 applications in 1 yr. How can I do it in a week?? Sometimes he does not make sense at all. Anyways, I told him to look for me for next year's event. 1 week to pull that through...crazy!!
It was virtually impossible for me to work on the project earlier as I was snowed in getting my dissertation out. I know that jobs are hard to find now, but I spent so much money on my Masters that I could not bare to see that goes down the drain. After all, the Masters Degree is my lifetime investment. This project, if it runs full swing is only till the end of next year. Although, I do feel guilty that things are very late in coming in together. I hope somehing good will turn out by end May. I am keeping my fingers crossed!! I will work on it very very hard!!
And Craig contacted me out of the blue asking for me to work with him for a week in getting 150 applications to a TV festival. Insane!! Nobody could pull in 150 applications in a week. It's impossible!! The tech dept pulled out 150 applications in 1 yr. How can I do it in a week?? Sometimes he does not make sense at all. Anyways, I told him to look for me for next year's event. 1 week to pull that through...crazy!!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I could not help but wonder
I always wonder how this country came to be what it is now. How the citizens resort to staging demonstration everytime they feel that the 'caffeine in their espresso' is not enough. How a previously Catholic country now overpopulated with predominantly Muslim from the Middle East.
Why did they even allow people that's not even from their country to enjoy the benefits the citizens have. In my country, even Chinese do not even share the same rights as Malays. Not that I am saying the regulation is fair, it is not certainly. Well the Chinese have been in Malaysia as long as the Malays, of course they should have equal rights. However, imagine that in contrast to France. No where a friction closer.
And the French blame the Arabs for the violence that's happening in their country. I don't think it is fair. Now I understand why Malaysian PR is like a pot of gold by the rainbow. Who you are is very much dependant to how you are raised. How you are nurtured. You can be million miles away from your country but you will always go back to your roots. The Chinese and Indians have proven it thus far. You can't grant French nationality to Arabs, put them amongst people of their own and expect them to be French. Of course not. Same goes with the Africans. It just does not work that way.
For example, in a country where there is no age limit for alcohol -- you cannot blame the 10 yr old kid for drinking can't you. If you do not set a rule, how do you expect people to not go beyond the boundary....
Why did they even allow people that's not even from their country to enjoy the benefits the citizens have. In my country, even Chinese do not even share the same rights as Malays. Not that I am saying the regulation is fair, it is not certainly. Well the Chinese have been in Malaysia as long as the Malays, of course they should have equal rights. However, imagine that in contrast to France. No where a friction closer.
And the French blame the Arabs for the violence that's happening in their country. I don't think it is fair. Now I understand why Malaysian PR is like a pot of gold by the rainbow. Who you are is very much dependant to how you are raised. How you are nurtured. You can be million miles away from your country but you will always go back to your roots. The Chinese and Indians have proven it thus far. You can't grant French nationality to Arabs, put them amongst people of their own and expect them to be French. Of course not. Same goes with the Africans. It just does not work that way.
For example, in a country where there is no age limit for alcohol -- you cannot blame the 10 yr old kid for drinking can't you. If you do not set a rule, how do you expect people to not go beyond the boundary....
Monday, April 13, 2009
Easter Monday
Today is Easter holiday in France. Not that it makes any difference to me, I am stuck in front of my PC churning more ideas to complete my thesis. My I spent so much time on this I'm starting to feel numb. Although, I have to say that I am not too stressed. I spent a lot of time on it yes, but time is what I have now. Not that I think it is an absolutely awesome paper that may get me an A...huh impossible. I just hope to pass..nothing more or less...I sincerely feel that my level of writing and my dissertation paper does not merit an A grade. Don't care actually, I just want to get it over and done and stirike Masters off my to do list.
I can imagine how this would be if I have to do it whilst working at the same time. The level of stress would be beyond comprehension.
After the dissertation is completed, i will divide my time solely to learning French and finishing up my contract at the ABU. Much that I would love to be working with them part time as it is darn hard to get a job in France now, half of me just want the relationship with the ABU to be over. Feels like it's time to experience something new, do other things. After all it's been six years I have been with them. None of my friends were in the same post/company for that long. Think even Alice was not in UITM that long... AFter all 'change is the law of life' (JFK Kennedy).
I am starting to adapt with France. No English programmes on TV does not seem to bother me as much. Not many friends to hang out with, does not bother me either cos I know i'll meet more people once i start my French class this summer. I am also over eating Asian food, does not seem to bother me that I have not eaten rice since I got back from KL two weeks ago. Looks like everything is about adaptation. Once you've adapt to your surrounding, tout c'est normal.....
I can imagine how this would be if I have to do it whilst working at the same time. The level of stress would be beyond comprehension.
After the dissertation is completed, i will divide my time solely to learning French and finishing up my contract at the ABU. Much that I would love to be working with them part time as it is darn hard to get a job in France now, half of me just want the relationship with the ABU to be over. Feels like it's time to experience something new, do other things. After all it's been six years I have been with them. None of my friends were in the same post/company for that long. Think even Alice was not in UITM that long... AFter all 'change is the law of life' (JFK Kennedy).
I am starting to adapt with France. No English programmes on TV does not seem to bother me as much. Not many friends to hang out with, does not bother me either cos I know i'll meet more people once i start my French class this summer. I am also over eating Asian food, does not seem to bother me that I have not eaten rice since I got back from KL two weeks ago. Looks like everything is about adaptation. Once you've adapt to your surrounding, tout c'est normal.....
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Babies
I have been asked several times by my new-found friends here in Montauban, when am I planning to have kids. And after hearing my reply, they would then ask me about my age and after hearing that reply, the common response that I would get is.. "Well, you should hurry up..the clock is ticking". I often would laugh after hearing that comment, but after hearing the same response for more than 10 times, it started to get into me.
I would love to have babies, yes but it is my CHOICE not to think about it now. Nobody should judge me should I do not want to have babies now. I am not ready FULL STOP I have no judgement to those women with babies, I think it's great if they are ready to experience motherhood. But I am not having babies, just so I could join the motherhood club and talk about milk bottles and diapers. When I am ready, I will.
I hate people who love to judge others -- what they should do, what they should not. I think these people should just look into their life, reflect and find something that they could do about themselves and not think or judge others, because you will never know what is the best for other people because you are not THEM.
I would love to have babies, yes but it is my CHOICE not to think about it now. Nobody should judge me should I do not want to have babies now. I am not ready FULL STOP I have no judgement to those women with babies, I think it's great if they are ready to experience motherhood. But I am not having babies, just so I could join the motherhood club and talk about milk bottles and diapers. When I am ready, I will.
I hate people who love to judge others -- what they should do, what they should not. I think these people should just look into their life, reflect and find something that they could do about themselves and not think or judge others, because you will never know what is the best for other people because you are not THEM.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
My second love at the first sight .. first being my husband .. ;-)
I fell in love with Positano after watching Under The Tuscan Sun.Positano is a relatively poor fishing village during the first 20th century but was rediscovered in 1950s after an article on the town was published in Harpers Bazaar by John Steinbeck,
As Steinbeck described "It is a dream place that isn’t quite real when you are there and becomes beckoningly real after you have gone." I was captivated with the charming little town on the cliffs of the hill overlooking the Mediterranean Sea. The place reminds me very much of Mykonos, an island where I hope me and my friend will revisit in the near future.
Well hopefully we'll get to go to Positano this summer and I can strike that off from my "to do list" .. ;-)
Friday, February 20, 2009
All very exciting
I just sent in the final budget and proposal for the 2010 project that I'm hoping to work on come summer. With contingencies allocation being added on the total project cost -- the budget has skyrocketed to USD400k! Although the overall cost is huge, I'd worked out a plan to divide the funding demands into smaller chunks and pieces making it do-able considering the lead time that I have.
Drafting the budget also means that I have to factor in my manhours (womanhours) for the project. It's kinda strange to be putting price tag on yourself and I spent the whole evening yesterday thinking the best diplomatic approach to this matter. So after some hours weighing the numbers, I have decided to give the rate that I hope to receive should I get a job here in France (plus additional 50%factoring retirement package and taxes). Well, the job is full time only from Jan-July 2010, so the retirement package is not that necessary, but well since I'm drafting it, I might as well include whatever works for me.. ;-)
My boss essentially approve the budget with no questions whatsoever. Pretty neat huh! I am so excited and motivated to get the ball rolling and not let the momentum slide. It's so easy for my motivation and momentum to slide, when working from home as I've got nobody watching my back and Facebook, Blogspot, Movies Online and Online Shopping luring me away from 'real' responsibilities!
Drafting the budget also means that I have to factor in my manhours (womanhours) for the project. It's kinda strange to be putting price tag on yourself and I spent the whole evening yesterday thinking the best diplomatic approach to this matter. So after some hours weighing the numbers, I have decided to give the rate that I hope to receive should I get a job here in France (plus additional 50%factoring retirement package and taxes). Well, the job is full time only from Jan-July 2010, so the retirement package is not that necessary, but well since I'm drafting it, I might as well include whatever works for me.. ;-)
My boss essentially approve the budget with no questions whatsoever. Pretty neat huh! I am so excited and motivated to get the ball rolling and not let the momentum slide. It's so easy for my motivation and momentum to slide, when working from home as I've got nobody watching my back and Facebook, Blogspot, Movies Online and Online Shopping luring me away from 'real' responsibilities!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
1st wedding anniversary
When my husband came back from work yesterday evening with his twin brother (his twin sleeps over at our place once a week), he repeatedly asked me if I remember anything important. I was mentally going trough each compartment of my brain, checking if I have indeed missed anything important or if he was pulling another one of his stupid jokes on me in an attempt to run away from washing dishes. Judging from the serious look on his face, I doubt that it's the latter. I looked at his twin brother for any clues, he sighed with disappointment and repeatedly shaked his head. Now what have I done, did they know that I spent 40 min on net a porter, oogling the designer shoes on the pretext of working!
Disappointed that I totally have no clue on what he was talking about, he asked me the 1 million dollar question -- "Baby, what happen one year ago on this date?" Then, the memory came flashing in my brain, like blood gushing out of the body after being repeatedly stabbed -- With horror I said "Oh, it's our birthday anniversary baby, I momentarily forgot". For a moment, he was aghast that the date slipped off my mind but after showering him with many, many kisses he quickly proclaimed that he's happy for I am the one to forget the date and not him and mentioned that if the case was otherwise, the mistake would have been remembered, remarked, rementioned and retold on every valentines, anniversaries and birthdays in the next year to come -- and not only on our anniversaries, valentines and birthdays but perhaps it will be mention everytime anybody even breathe in those three occasions. What he said, was indeed funny.
Truthfully, in my bewildered state of juggling work, thesis, unproductive Internet surfing activity and failure in getting tickets to Barcelona -- the anniversary date totally slipped off my mind.
I blew it off this time around. I secretly think that he is happy for I had forgotten the anniversary date as he will be off the hook in remembering it for the years to come. I will have to come out with a reverse plan to fix the situation.
I remembered that his family was not there when we got married at the mosque. Tonight I will say to him that I want our wedding anniversary to be the date signficant for the both of us - translation - I would like it to be the day where we share the moment with our families, close friends, etc. Ergo, our actual wedding anniversary is in March on a date that I could not remember but will find out before the evening ends. Hopefully, this reverse plan will work.
Disappointed that I totally have no clue on what he was talking about, he asked me the 1 million dollar question -- "Baby, what happen one year ago on this date?" Then, the memory came flashing in my brain, like blood gushing out of the body after being repeatedly stabbed -- With horror I said "Oh, it's our birthday anniversary baby, I momentarily forgot". For a moment, he was aghast that the date slipped off my mind but after showering him with many, many kisses he quickly proclaimed that he's happy for I am the one to forget the date and not him and mentioned that if the case was otherwise, the mistake would have been remembered, remarked, rementioned and retold on every valentines, anniversaries and birthdays in the next year to come -- and not only on our anniversaries, valentines and birthdays but perhaps it will be mention everytime anybody even breathe in those three occasions. What he said, was indeed funny.
Truthfully, in my bewildered state of juggling work, thesis, unproductive Internet surfing activity and failure in getting tickets to Barcelona -- the anniversary date totally slipped off my mind.
I blew it off this time around. I secretly think that he is happy for I had forgotten the anniversary date as he will be off the hook in remembering it for the years to come. I will have to come out with a reverse plan to fix the situation.
I remembered that his family was not there when we got married at the mosque. Tonight I will say to him that I want our wedding anniversary to be the date signficant for the both of us - translation - I would like it to be the day where we share the moment with our families, close friends, etc. Ergo, our actual wedding anniversary is in March on a date that I could not remember but will find out before the evening ends. Hopefully, this reverse plan will work.
Monday, February 16, 2009
A different start to the day
Today, for the first time in a very long time I had to leave the house at 8:30 to collect my long-stay visa letter. The minute I stood outside my apartment building, bracing the chilly winter air, I apologised to god for how I was complaining about how shitty my life is. I am truly sorry for being an ungrateful bitch. It suddenly hit me how great my life is as I do not have to wake up early in the morning and brace the chilly, crisp winter air as a start to my day. These days, I wake up, brew a cup of coffee and turn on my computer. My work station is right next to the window where I could enjoy the beautiful sunny winter, with a mug of good hot coffee, brewed exactly as I love it -- all in the comfort of my warm apartment. Life could not be any greater than this.
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